Five Pick-Up Lines of Possibly Dubious Quality for Valentine’s Day

Are you in love but still waiting on Cupid’s help? Stuck trying to find the right words?

Cupid is overrated. Econ is here to give you the right (or wrong) words to find the man and or woman and or unknown gender variable of your life.

The god of war is still annoyed about how Cupid was able to justify randomly shooting people with arrows for no reason

1. The winning lottery numbers are 2–14-27–33–39–40. Here’s my phone number. You’ll want to call me later.

The only voluntary tax

This line only works 1 out of every 302 million tries. However, when it works it REALLY works and guarantees you not only a sexy but a wealthy partner.

2. ARMA virumque cano, Troiae qui primus ab oris Italiam, fato profugus, Laviniaque venit litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto

If you’ve ever seen a documentary on ancient Rome one thing that stands out is the emperor is always surrounded by scantily clad women. After having taken quite some time to ponder this topic, I’ve come to the conclusion this is because he speaks Latin and is in no way related to his power, authority, post as emperor, or any other conceivable reason.

What Latin phrase should we choose to best express our feelings? I don’t know any Latin, but Vergil’s Aeneid is in Latin and is famous so I’m sure it’s a winner.

Wednesday was already a terrible day of the week. When Charles attempted to explain his feelings to Brittany and accidentally summoned a demon it didn’t get any better, but he was glad to find out his auto policy had coverage for demon attacks.

Legal disclaimer: Author assumes no liability for any demons summoned during the utterance of Latin words or phrases. Users of Latin accept all risks pursuant to its application.

3. My job is to play quarterback, and I’m going to do that the best way I know how because I owe that to my teammates regardless of who is out there on the field with me.

You are probably wondering why this pick-up line is so successful. Well, if you already knew why and it was obvious you’d have no point in reading this article, would you?

Tom Brady not only won 7 super bowls but also married a supermodel wife. I am certain you can use lines like the one above with no context whatsoever and also win 7 super bowls and marry a supermodel.


That’s right. Line 4 is completely blank! Feel free to combine line 4 with any other pick-up line or saying at any point. Part of pick-up line 4’s appeal is its versatility. It can be used in a variety of situations. It has great applications when responding to such questions as Did you finish doing the laundry? or When are you going to help me mow the lawn?

5. I use my fifth amendment right against self-incrimination

Are you trying to find the right words to tell someone how you feel but worried you might accidentally incriminate yourself in the murder of Tupac? Remember, you can almost always use the fifth amendment (I am not a lawyer so consult an actual legal professional) to get out of many situations.

The fifth amendment is so versatile it can even save terribly written medium articles

Example: Honey, did you leave the lights on after we left the house?

Response: I use my fifth amendment right against self-incrimination.

Example: Did you murder Tupac again?

Response: I use my fifth amendment right against self-incrimination

Example: Did you write a terrible article on Medium that will not actually help anyone find a boyfriend or girlfriend and will mostly just make people feel bad about being single on Valentine’s day?

Well, that’s all the time we have for today folks and happy Valentine’s day!



Statistician, Gamer, Fed Watcher, Activist Investor

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