Econ’s Dating Advice Column: 5 questions NOT to ask a Facebook Engineer on your Date

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Greetings proletariat peons. Do you have a romantic date coming up with a Facebook engineer? Are you yourself a Facebook engineer that goes on dates with yourself because you learned social skills from Mark Zuckerberg? Are you a wood chuck that would chuck wood if it didn’t violate EU data privacy laws?

If so, you’ll want to avoid asking these 5 questions on your date with said Facebook engineer.

1. Why did Facebook buy a cocaine delivery service?

Contrary to what the name might have you believe, Instagram is not a cocaine delivery service. Instead, it is an image hosting site where you can comment on friend’s photos and talk with each other.

Have you heard of this form of direct messaging called certified mail? Takes a while but you know it arrives. The preferred DMing platform of lawyers everywhere.

How is that different than Facebook you might ask? Well, one of the distinguishing features of Instagram is there are fewer features. That’s right, this product is known for its ability to do less than Facebook. If you don’t understand why people want a product that can do less then you obviously don’t work in tech.

2. What do you like about Facebook?

Mark’s dog is the only one that actually likes using Facebook and that’s because his evil overlord owner does all the stuff for him.

Who’s a good boy? Not Mark.

No one at Facebook actually likes spending time on Facebook. They do like the money Facebook deposits into their bank account, which if you ask most of them is the best part of working for Facebook.

3. What’s it like being Mark Zuckerberg’s bitch?

There’s a reason why Facebook pays so much money: you’re going to be Mark Zuckerberg’s bitch.

Do you ask employees at the grocery store what it’s like to be Kraft’s restocking bitch? I didn’t think so. We all know when you sign on to FB the Zuck owns you and there’s no reason to rub it in.

4. What kind of data does Facebook keep about me?

Enough to start a blackmail subsidiary when the Zuck loses whatever moral principles he still remotely has left.

5. I met tons of interesting people on Facebook Dating. Have you tried it yourself?

No reason to start your relationship off on a lie.