Cereal Slogans Toxicity Power Rankings

Econ
2 min readSep 8, 2023

Dota 2 has taken a promising new turn lately, rewarding in-game toxicity with rewards such as bonus passive gold, extra couriers, and at the highest toxicity tier a free treant with every activated ability (greater treants for ultimates).

Rice Crispies are legitimately better as a pastry than as a cereal

One of the most important forms of toxicity is pausing the game after a kill. In order to mix up your toxicity game, I’ve decided to rank Cereal slogans for their BM pause potential.

S Tier

Snap Crackle Pop MotherF#@$%&

Great option for almost any BM pause from a classic cereal.

A is for Apple, J is for Jacks, F is for fucking your waifu

The official language of US East is Japanese

A Tier

Crunchatize me captain

Bumps to S tier if you kill Kunkka

I’m Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Only really usable by Cocaine addict offlaners (Wizard of Chaos) but I still think it’s lit.

Two scoops of plump, juicy raisins

Sounds suggestive so it gets a bump

B Tier

I Vant to Eat your Cereal

Maybe you actually do want to eat the enemy midlaner’s cereal?

Follow my nose, it always knows

It sounds situationally okay — maybe after a failed smoke gank? Decent burn but too niche to see widespread use

C Tier

Bee happy, Bee Healthy

Probably should be ranked lower but the D and F tiers are incredibly bad already

Bet you can’t eat three

Valve Can’t

That feed was A-B-C-Delicious

Please don’t actually use this one

D Tier

The Breakfast of Champions

Lame bro

The Howling Good Taste of Fruit

Actual cereal slogan

So happy together

No one is happy in this fucking game

F Tier

This is actually a real cereal. Fruit-based slogans to shit the bed.

Fruity Yummy Yummy Makes Your Tummy Go Yummy

This is a real breakfast cereal slogan

The Cereal shot from Guns

I want to know what Quaker marketer came up with this slogan and where he buys his cocaine

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Econ

Statistician, Gamer, Fed Watcher, Activist Investor