Nov 20, 2021
Bearcat Season 24 Team Review
Bearcat should be convicted of War Crimes
Overview
Have you heard of the Arabic terrorist organization known as Al Gebra? The CIA reports that they are “religious extremists that kidnap Westerners and force them to solve math problems.” I’ve come into possession of knowledge that a former admin, known as “Brightside”, is secretly a member of this organization and has allowed fellow terrorist “Bearcat”, known member of the radical affiliate terrorist group “Viper Carry” to captain in the league as part of a nefarious plan.
Captain: Bearcat
Bearcat is a member of a radical terrorist sect known as “Viper Carry.” Over the course of our season, he attempted to indoctrinate our fellow teammates with his religious extremist propaganda.
His obsession seemed innocent enough with talks about how “Viper wins Lane” and “Laning is important.” Over time, this grew more nuanced into “Viper is strong because his Viper Strike projectile travels at 1200 speed, which is faster than Faceless Void in Chronosphere.”
By the end of the season, all I could hear from our captain was some erratic ramblings about how “Epstein didn’t kill himself” and “Santa isn’t real.” I will have you know, readers, that Saint Nicholas was a real Orthodox priest during the 2nd century! In our playoff match, this crazed lunatic started yelling “OMURICE” and “BKBs are so KAWAII!” which worries me that he’s turning into a weeb terrorist.
General Ender
You know when someone says they can play “pretty much anything” but can only actually play Mars? Well, I am not about to make that accusation about General Ender, but what I will say is that during his Tidehunter game he kept yelling “Spear of Mars” whenever he gushed an enemy. After he used blink ravage, he screamed “MARS THE IMPALER” into his mic and I can only assume he buys his cocaine from the same place as Bearcat.
Stang Banger
Do you ever wonder what it would be like being a sane, respectable, upstanding citizen with a great mid hero pool locked in a room with 4 lunatic degenerates for 8 weeks plus playoffs?
Boopsy
After taking time to review our team’s performance this season, I’m suspicious Boopsy is the one selling pure Cocaine to Ender and Bearcat. I think the only reason he hasn’t muted everyone on this team besides Stang is he needs to keep in contact with Bearcat and Ender to arrange delivery. Speaking of delivery, Boopsy delivered some amazing support performances this season and should definitely be picked first overall pick in next season’s draft.
Econ
Here’s how a typical conversation during our drafts would go:
Stang: Guys what do you think we should do for our first overall pick?
Bearcat: With shard and 8 stacks of poison attack enemy heroes will be slowed 96% (viper already banned)
Ender: Did you know that Mars is the fourth planet in the solar system?
Econ: Pick me ogre
Ogre Magi picked
Bearcat: OMURICE
Needless to say I wound up playing a lot of Ogre this season.
